Day 1: is it over yet?

This is the kind of day that you wake up and wish that you could turn your thoughts just off. I hate feeling like I'm going in circles. I feel like there is so much I've yet to learn in my life. Keeping yourself in the moment and living for today is a hell of a lot harder than it looks. My mind feels like mush. What I have learned? Perhaps nothing. Or perhaps everything. I'm not portraying myself as I would like to. How do I change that? By turning myself off? Putting up a wall? Who knows. I think maybe I just need to give it up....give it to God. He'll do a better job than I could anyway, right? Or am I missing the point?

I hope my life begins to take shape in the next 100 days. I don't necessarily have a goal for all of this....maybe it's just to prove to myself that i CAN do it. I will say this....I think I have been putting too much pressure on myself. I can only do what I can do....I'm doing my best, I just continue to think that maybe I'm not doing enough.

I don't think people know who I am. I feel very misunderstood. I feel like people are making assumptions....assumptions that shouldn't be made. I was told last night by a wise man that my problem is that I am afraid of the unknown. I wonder when that began to happen.

I'm ready to fall in love. But I don't think love is ready for me. For some reason that I can't quite explain, this is comforting. Maybe it's because I realize that I'm being prepared....that all my heartache will help me become who I'm meant to be. As another wise friend also told me, I've seen too much rain. Hopefully, the rainbow will be worth it.