Day 41: The truth

i got="" some="" amazing="" news="" today....my="" degree="" audit="" has="" been="" fixed!="" now="" lack="" two="" classes="" that="" be="" summer,="" and="" four="" praxis="" tests="" (also="" taking="" this="" summer)....and="" then="" officially="" student="" teach="" in="" the="" fall.="" on="" december="" 15="" at="" 2="" pm,="" will="" graduate.="" am="" excited,="" can="" barely="" contain="" myself.="" my="" future="" s="" so="" bright,="" i="" gotta="" wear="" stunna="" shades.="">

With this news comes a realization....there are many things I wish to accomplish in my lifetime. I've bee thinking about getting my master's in reading to become a reading recovery specialist. I'll teach kids how to read, basically. I still want to learn sign language and Italian. I have no clue, really, where I will be headed...but I know that wherever I go, I'll be blessed. With all this, however, there are two things that I want very badly...to be in a healthy, loving, lasting relationship and to have children. There are many many women out there who are happy, thrilled even, to be single. I am, to an extent. I've certainly grown a lot over the past years....and have slowly evolved into the woman I know I was meant to be. But I still want someone to share it all with. Don't get me wrong...it's pretty cool being single. And I'm also not saying that I'm unhappy with where I am...quite the contrary....I'm thrilled to be in this place in my life. I've been being prepared...prepared to be the best partner, mother, teacher, mentor that I can be. And for that I'm truly lucky and thankful. I feel like I am ready to finally be in a relationship where I'll have something to offer.

Why am I writing all this? Because it needed to be said outloud. For far too long I've felt guilty. I hear from numerous people that "when you stop looking you'll find the one"....or "it'll work out like it's supposed to". I know this. But I also know that I want to be a wife and a mother...and there is nothing wrong with that. My life hasn't stopped. I'm not twiddling my thumbs, waiting for "Mr. Right" to come along and save me. I'm in a wonderful place right where I am....I just needed to be able to be honest with myself. And to declare that the hopes and dreams I have for myself are MY hopes and dreams...no one elses. And no one is going to make me feel guilty for that. There are many people out there who don't want the same things I want. I certainly know quite a few. There are even people out there who are going to read this and message me, telling me I'm lucky to be single. Well, duh. I already know that. And I'm even sure that a few men will stumble across this and get scared, never to message or comment me again.

My point is I'm no longer scared to put what I want out there on the line. To boldy say, this is what I want. I'm a complete person...I'm not searching for my "better half". All I know is that this is what I want....eventually, I will have it. For now, I am content with being honest with myself and with the world. No need to rush anything....all good things come to those who wait.