Day 42: Strange

This whole weight loss thing is really getting to me. I'm now officially on my "diet"....I hate that word. More like my life change plan. Interestingly enough I always thought the hard part would be working out....I was wrong. For some reason, working out has now become second nature to me. I hate going a couple of days without doing some type of physical activity. But my eating....that's a totally different story. I'm supposed to eat 5 meals a day...and drink a gallon of water in between. I'm having to force myself to eat. Most of the time, I have no appetite. I literally have to write down in my planner when I have to eat....and when it's time, I feel heavy....ashamed. Then, when I do eat, I immediately feel guilty. Not to the point that I feel like I have to purge or anything, but still. I used to eat taco bell like crazy without a second thought. Now, some turkey, carrots and yogurt sends me into some type of guilt trip. Just when I feel like I'm making some kind of headway, I'm reminded that I have a long LONG way to go. I know it's a progression...I just had no idea it was going to mess with my head like this. To be honest, I'm a little scared. I'm trying to make sure I cover all my bases, so to speak. I want to be certain that I'm giving 110% into all this. I still don't feel I'm doing enough. Maybe today is just a fat day...who knows. It's hard being a woman, that's for sure. C'est la vie.....