Day 47: Dads day the darndest things

After church today, my family and I went to O'Charley's for brunch. After eating, I had confession. Here is the resulting conversation:

Me: For the last three weeks, I've been fighting the urge to throw up after eating...no matter what I eat....forcing myself to throw up
Dad: Well, maybe you should a few times and get it out of your system
Me: Are you serious? I'm pretty sure that's how bulimia starts
Dad: I wouldn't worry...You don't seem to have an addictive personality
....a little while later....
Dad: You know, throwing up would speed along the process
Me: What process?
Dad: You losing weight
Me: Seriously!?!? Um I don't think so
Dad: I still think you need to get it out of your system

So yeah. Wow. I'm sure he meant well, but geez! This comes on the heels of my mom declaring that I had lost much of my back fat, although had a ways to go. She then informed me that she and my dad had become concerned for me and were thinking about sending me to a facility to help with my "problem".

I know that they love me...but sometimes I wonder if they accept me. I further wonder about my future children. I want their self esteem to be high, not low like mine was for so long. I still don't think that my parents have connected that when I got really sick last year, all depressed, and got out of the hospital, that it was that experience that made me want to change. Almost ending my own life put things into a bit more perspective for me. I worked on the inside for so long and then, when I felt like I was strong enough, I started working on the outside. Today, I tried to reach out...but went unheard. It's sad...and it's threatening to push me into a depression. I'm trying my damnedest to focus on other things. It's hard though. But not impossible.