Day 17: Venting

I'm beginning to ponder some of my relationships/friendships as of late. I'm beginning to wonder just why some people were placed in my life. I'm also confused as to when or if it is okay to "confront" someone. This is an instance in my life where I am trying to remind myself that I have to live by what I KNOW. I KNOW that my friends are good people...I KNOW that many of them are going through some unforeseen circumstances...and I KNOW that they mean what they say and say what they mean. However, I FEEL ignored. I FEEL let down. I FEEL hurt. So what to do? I am reminded of Proverbs 19:11 which states "It is good sense that bridles my anger; it is in my glory to overlook a transgression or offense". I'm striving to keep this close to my heart.

But when is "enough enough"? When do you draw the line in the sand? Obviously, I mean so little that my numerous phone calls are going unanswered. And what if I DO get "the call"? What then? Do I accept what apology may come my way and move on? Or do I make the first move, call, and just say forget it? It's all very confusing and highly frustrating. For some reason, this situation is torture for me. I think it's because I've tied it to a goal I've had for a very long time, which makes it damn near impossible to not allow it to hurt my feelings. I don't want to give an ultimatum....I don't want to force something into the situation that will make things worse. Nor do I want to burn a bridge and just say forget it. And yes, I hear what you're asking: But Blaire, if you're so connected to God, why can't you just let it go? Well, I have. But I just keep taking it back. For some reason, I feel this tug that tells me not to turn my back and not to give up. For some reason, I feel an urge to reach out and try just one more time. And every time I do, it doesn't go as I expected or hoped that it would. So, once again, I'll give it up. It's outta my hands anyway. Truly there are no hard feelings on my side....I just want to know what's up. But I may never know that....and I suppose at the end of the day, that's okay.

School is getting more and more stressful with each passing day. My portfolio is coming along S-L-O-W-L-Y. So are my observations. Here soon, I'm going to have A LOT due. I'm trying my darnest not to panic. This is it....my last semester of classes. My last ditch effort to raise my GPA. (it's a 2.8999 by the way, so it's not too bad....I would just like it at a 3.0 or above). I think I have decided where I want to live once I graduate. My soul seems lead to move to this particular place. But instead of giving up the location now, I'll wait and give you all the details once they're hammered out. For now, I shall take a short nap before working out.