Day 95: I lost him

Amanda, myself and her three kids went to the movies this morning. After the flick, I was helping Mckenna down the stairs and Brady took off...I yelled to Amanda that I'd get him....but I didn't.

He ran and I couldn't find him....I freaked out and doubled back, with Mckenna in tow to tell Amanda that we couldn't find him....looking back, I should have tried to find him before scaring her like that....but I didn't.

I would estimate that we looked for like, 6 minutes....but it was the longest 6 minutes of my life. Mckenna, God bless her, kept telling me to look in the game room (the arcade)...and sure enough there he was.

I have never ever seen Amanda like that....I felt terrible because I should have been a better watcher. I should have taken his little hand instead of letting him run ahead. I should have listened to Mckenna. Being a mom is hard...even if you're not really a mom...more like a friend. It's still hard.

I don't think I've ever been so scared in my whole whole whole life. It truly made me question becoming a mother. I mean, I lost him.
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Troy and I completed our first full week of training. I haven't felt better in my whole life. He said he was really impressed, which makes me wonderful. It's the hardest thing I've ever done...but ohmigod it is so worth it. That gym has a totally different feeling than APSU ever did. It feels lighter...happier, almost. Sounds crazy, I know. I feel like I'm getting a second chance to really complete my goal....I really owe it all to God. He's truly taken my prayer and run with it....my results even throughout this first week have been incredible. I really owe Him a lot.
I can't really afford to pay Troy...not that he's asked me to; I want to, though. I would give him a million dollars, if I could. I think I'm going to talk to Trey and see if we can work something out...like, maybe an extra $100 or something. I can take a hit somewhere else, if I have to.